Posted by: bellebelle | May 28, 2006


May 23, 2005

While browsing through the many SMS I received on the 15th of May, my heart felt… heavy. I wanted to cry, physically, but it’s hard.

May 24, 2005

College registrar rang me up, twice. Saying there’s this special arrangement for my classes. Recalling my previous blog post, I failed my Figure Studies II & not being able to proceed to Illustration Fundamentals. But due to some unforeseen circumstances, I can proceed! I’m keeping this low profile; if you wanted to know why I was allowed to proceed, do ask me in person. It’s very much a miracle. The moment I hung my receiver, I wanted to break my gates and dance on the street, as well as bear hug everyone I see. I shared my joy to so many dear friends, because it is a very special present I got from God. He relieved my heavy heart.

May 25, 2005

Got my college schedule rearranged. I was pretty excited for my first Illustration Fundamental class, looking forward to join Ze Lin’s lecture. However, it’s another new surrounding. None of my friends are retaking this subject with me. Then bad news broke in… Because extra subject = extra set of assignment. I’ve never seen Ze Lin with such big pair of eyes, it almost drop to the ground when I say I’m gonna do Figure Studies II & Illustration Fundamental, together. He told me the load with be… a lot, which I have already expected.

Come to think of it, I’ve expected for the heavy assignment flood, stress load, physical suffocation, etc. Then, I realized, I’m not ready for all these. Questions go through my mind again and again, “Should I quit part-time?”, “Should I give up some particular responsibilities?”, “Should I try going for it?”… Should I this, should I that… ugh.


There comes another bomb, I’m not learning in a fast pace, which will make me such a handicapped barista. It’s so saddening to discover that I’m not working efficiently… Never had I been in such a situation.

如常地每晚每日工作 倦了么

Can I support all these? Am I burning all out, too much? I need a halt for planning, for a short break, resting time. I’m very sure this will do good.

Don’t need to fear
Don’t need to cry
Don’t need to worry
I’ll be there”

At this period of time, I’m emotional shaky, small little things could discourage me. Silly moves like whack my head, laugh out loud, “I’m just kidding”, is a huge NO NO. But to cheer me up, it takes a little as well. Very much I needed a nice pat on my head/shoulder, warm hugs, hold my hands, goodnight kiss from daddy… Even if it’s just meant for a while, it’s gonna be good enough. Honestly speaking, I don’t really look forward for the load of ‘advises’ to come in, because I’ve seek enough, and I knew what to do. The more it comes in when I don’t need it, the more it floods me.

看不见 我未来 视线没法打开

Don’t need to fear
Don’t need to cry
Don’t need to worry
I’ll be there”

Please, if you see me stressed, don’t be afraid to approach me, talk to me, allow me to have some time to sort my emotions and sentences, listen patiently. Most important of all, don’t walk away from me. Tell me not to worry, not to fear; assure that you’ll be there for me.

有这么 一个人



  1. I’m at home, on leave until tomorrow, Tuesday. Saw your blog. I see. Actually, I wanted to give 1 advice but since you don’t need it, it’s ok then. If you want, let me know, that I will tell give you one. This advice given by discipler when I’m still a student like you.

    “Be strong and be couragerous” and “Don’t loose heart”.

    [ hug ]

  2. oh dear~~

    at first really happy to hear that u still able to the subject.

    hmm.. my concern for u is really ur schedule… i will “sakit hati” to c a tired belle belle. For sure tat I always there for u if u nd someone to talk or “pukul”..

    I certainly encourage u to go ahead with your genting trip to get recharge to really enjoy n relax there. To get a good rest and forget all the problem u r facing now. Then when u come back, you will refresh and fight on.

    Always love you!!! *hug hug*

  3. yaaaahhh….

    Life is so beautiful….

    You are beautiful…
    I am beautiful…


    (WHACK!! PUNCH!!! KICK!! SLAP!!!)

    Oh, sorry Gabbie.. just chased the siao lang (crazy nut)away.


    one thing i am always amazed about u..
    you are so open & humble in expressing your state of emotions.. :)

    how i wish to be like u.. hehehe~

    recently, my right hand fingers are giving me pains..
    guess i typed too much? due to blogging?
    anyway, it hurts even right now.. :(

    but that doesnt stop me from typing my comments here.
    know why?

    because love is so much stronger than hurts & pains..
    love will pull us through..
    love will heal
    love will give us the strength..

    aiiii.. soryy lah.. maundering so much stuff..
    not feeling well today.. :(

    u take care hor?

    Love ya!

  4. Botak Yea²: Sure, I'm free for counselling this Sunday morning, see you at church!

    Yen²: Funny how I feel loved when I see you guys sakit hati for me.. Silly me >_<

    B|ade: Hey bro, didn't get to talk to both Angeline & you in church, but however, thanks for the encouragement!

  5. […] for those who are into Leo Ku’s “爱得太迟”, or… Timbaland & One Republic’s “Apologise”. i am sorry to say… i don’t liked the songs. no offense to the singer or any fans. i personally didn’t liked the song because it’s filled with negative emotions, and anger, and hurt, and unforgiving. but… i liked Leo Ku, if you have listened from here. […]

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