Posted by: bellebelle | July 1, 2006

傻瓜

我是傻瓜。

Always save 2 copies of whatever project you’re doing, and make sure you don’t delete them before you hand in your works.

Wednesday, my cpu died on me, restart and do everything again. Thursday, my files died on me. Cannot open file, cannot copy, cannot paste, cannot even send them to recycle bin. My USB flash drive died on me. So I used my camera SD memory card to save files and brought my card reader to college. When I reached college, my desktop died on me. Windows wasn’t installed properly.

Hadn’t got enough sleep since Tuesday. I told Yen that I might fall, physically, and I will not be able to attend Wednesday’s church service. Spirited-away, haha.

I missed last week’s Illustration Fundamentals because I had a bad nausea in the morning. I’m afraid I might not do good enough. So I wanted to fully utilize my one week break to build better skills, I asked Ze Lin for ‘tuition’ during Exploration Week. With a cheerful and manja tone, just afraid that he will discover my tiredness. The girl who stood beside us had her ears over our conversation. And she said in mandarin, “ask her to settle herself, is her own problem for not attending last week’s class.”

For a few seconds of silence, I felt a huge “OUCH” in my heart. Those words really cuts through. Although I tried so hard to tell myself “She doesn’t mean it, she doesn’t mean it.” That sentence definitely cuts deeply. Ze Lin did not defend for me. He echoed over her sentence, “Yea lor.”

That reaction hurts. Although, he doesn’t do it with intention to hurt me. I turned around, saying “Well, forget about my request, I felt like crying.” I walked away, my eyes filled with tears without them noticing.

During the Illustration demo, I was feeling drowsy, as if the world is spinning round and round. All I could remember is that I gently swung my body to ensure I listen to Boon Tiong and Ze Lin’s lecture. Emotionally was very distracted, ish. For a second, I felt a blackout. I broke down, and quickly stood. Nobody realized that, ’cause I was standing at the back row.

After lecture, we proceed with a short critique session. I allow myself to be the last. I wanted to talk to the lecturers. When I got my chance, I sat down and patiently watched Boon Tiong reconstruct my illustration compositions. Thank God, Boon Tiong responded to my request for extra time to help me strengthen my skills. I remembered his assurance, “Just give me a call to make further arrangements. Of course I’ll be happy to do that if students seek for help.” That was super encouraging, superb.

I couldn’t imagine what would happen if I just allow myself to sink in discouragement. Not making any effort to give another try, that will only restrict my ability to grow. I just want them to know, I’m walking the extra miles to achieve better results. I don’t do ‘tuition’ because I have too much time to spend. You and I are looking at the same moon; you and I has only 24hours to be spent in a day. I tried so hard to arrange time so i could concentrate and just wanting to grow better.

I’ve crank so much that I got myself wornout. Physically, I know I couldn’t support that anymore. Emotionally, I know I’m getting weak as well. Just like Thursday, I got so weary physically that it affects my emotions, I will burst into tears so easily. Spiritually, I’m happy to say that I’ve grown. I know my own strength and ability is limited. I learn to seek for help and advices. I am more able to accept criticism and also willing to forgive. I am much thankful to God.

I’m fine now. Looking forward for my one week break. :)

对不起,让大家操心了。

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