Posted by: bellebelle | July 17, 2006

Dear Friend,

Staring at your fuel tank, leaking as if its hole wasn’t patched well.

Together with you analyzing on your weaknesses after all makes me feel bad, you have plenty plenty plenty of virtues that is able to cover them up nicely. I thought, one day we can work on mine, my own weaknesses. But I don’t know enough. That might not happen, that day might not come. Sometimes I thought, I might as well walk away. Maybe, by then, you will feel much comforted, without my appearance. But I knew you know, this is not what we practise.

You’re so gentle. Everytime I wanted to tell you that, second thought stops me. I’m so selfish, I should have done that many months ago, before everything gets so crooked, like, now. Many times I wanted to assure you, you definitely look great, but in the end, I was too coward to do so. The time I did, you were already discouraged, and I realized, it’s hard to tell you once more.

I’ve not been attending your needs, I’m so sorry. My heart shattered into tiny little pieces when I know I’ve done things wrong, and that, hurts you badly.

I like you the way you are. Ambitious, passionate, but maybe.. you didn’t know. However please, do not stop loving. Else, many of your dear ones, will loose someone so gentle, like you.

I’m right here waiting, waiting for you to be ready to talk. You’ve said you want to do that face-to-face, and I remember I agreed. I know things will never be the same again, it will just not be the same again.

I’m taking a lot of courage to write this, I knew you will read. On 2nd thoughts, perhaps. I’m just afraid you are so heart-brokened that you will give up reading my sentences. I wanted to sit right beside you instead of putting these into paragraphs, but I know I will be too stoned to talk, too frightened to be rejected, too blur to react. Might be hard to smile, too. Sometimes I think, you and I are just too timid in confronting situations. I’m also afraid that I might cry, which will make you looked as if you’re the one in the wrong.

“.. … All the pain held in your hands

Your hands are shaking cold
These hands are meant to hold

Speak to me

When all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along, just to make it through

When everything is wrong
We move along

Right back what is wrong
We move along.”

Dearie, I’m so sorry.

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