Posted by: bellebelle | December 27, 2006

Technical & Physical

other than design softwares, my technical side.. is equivalent to my knowledge in geographics. to sabotage or embarrass me, is as simple as showing me the malaysia map, because i couldn’t even identify Selangor, the place which i’ve been staying for almost 2 decade. i wonder how i’ve been able to pass all my highschool geography papers, i s’pose common knowledge helped me get through ’em. hmm.. to encourage myself, i have always been saying.. “at least i know how malaysia looks like.” pathetic, i know.

microsoft has gone cuckoo-ed around me, been trying to run MS Word & Messenger for quite some time. certain websites seemed to be dying under my hands too.. bye bye dictionary.com, worse of all.. i couldn’t get connected to my mail server. thank God, Google is still surviving faithfully.

how how? i badly need all these to retrive my portfolio… i feel like, my 4-years-old PC gonna crash soon. maybe tomorrow after dinner with mum, i should spend my night, try my best to backup all the important datas. at the same time, start fasting ’til i get my medical checkup done.

not too long ago, i’ve discovered that i’ll be in cold & shiver when i get nervous. it’s alright if it’s just for a while, like how i used to be when i wait for my turn to present my artwork in college. i know i will shiver for a while, but when it’s my turn to be on stage & start doing all the talking & demo, i get all right. to recall the moments, i feel as if my heart & body doesn’t belong to me. whether it’s beating in an abnormal speed, i don’t know. whether anyone out there discover my discomfort, i don’t know. because, i look okay on the outside.

to add salt on the wound, the light headed scenarios doesn’t come to a halt. my head were so heavy, i put down the works on my hand & struggled my way to bed after dinner with dad & bro. i was basically dead on the bed.. until i arouse this morning, i slept for 10++ hours. for no apparent reason, health went downhill. not many know all these, afterall, i seem pretty okay on the outside.

prayer needed, thank you.

**********************

dear Lord God,

you have accepted me, long before i sinned, you have put my name in your mighty plans. i dislike the self-focused me, i dislike the weak me, i dislike the coward me, i dislike the sick me. but God, again & again you want me to know that you are in control of all things. again & again you want me to know that you love me & am more than willing to take care of me, look after me, shower love upon me.

what have i done to deserve you? this is not to be questioned, you assured me. because there’s nothing i could ever do to make you love me more. you love me because you are my creator, you love me because you want to have a relationship with me, you love me because of you are a gracious God, you love me because you love me.

the weak me, makes me ponder more upon you, makes me need you more than any other time i could have needed. i’m a little lonely, a little lost, a little frightened. i talked a little softer, smiled a little lesser. but when you walk your way up to skull hill, carrying the huge cross, you made me know… even if i’m sick, i should continue showing concern. because when you were bruised & cursed & spat & disowned & hurt, you continued loving.

today, you have promised me sunshine. today, you have promised me you will take care of all things on behalf of me, as far as i put trust in you. what are the things i could lay my promise upon you? from me, you get dissapointments. from me, you get discouragements. from me, you get all the opposite things you have given me.

all i want for christmas is someone to tuck me in, Lord you listened, and tucked me in. you listened to my heart, you allow me to cry, you keepwatch upon me when i turn my back against you. Santa is imaginary, to make children fantasize, to make children smile. but Lord, i’m a child only for you.. because you are not imaginary, you were not to be fantasized, yet you made me smile.

i love you not because of all the promises or the protection or the blessed assurance or the gifts you showered. i love you because you are God. i love you Lord, i love you all alone.

faithfully in Jesus’ name, AMEN!

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Responses

  1. Definitely everyone will pray hard for you,i really wan to encourage you to stand firm as who are you.Though you’ll feel tired but dont stop,keep it on ^^”

  2. John >> thank you for your encouragement, thank you for all the SMS, thank you for your concern as a big brother in Christ.

  3. Ye2 can offer help in computer stuff. Share to more some computer stuff tips, to maintain and protect your pc.

    Hey, gotta take care of the health. Although i look one kind from the outside physically, but i actually seldom really sick and when i did, i recovered quite quickly and my health has improved with this in mind: take supplement/vitamin/natural herb regularly (it cost but worth it), right diet example, eat less meat (ie no pork, no beef, no duck. fish ok), drink green tea (i took it regularly), enough rest/sleep, don’t take chemical medicine (from clinic) if sick if can. If can let the body generate its immune system or if can’t, go for chinese medicine (also free ma coz got john the leettle ma).

  4. Ye²~ i am so thankful whenever i call you (ye ye), you’re always responsive. i’m working on the tips you gave me yesterday night, hopefully it saves my darling PC from crashing to running in a faster mode.

    besides that, i’m assured to know that you’re one of my many readers.. in which, you give responses whenever possible. helps me to understand your concern towards my issues. if calling you ye ye is annoying, alarm me yeah.

    love much.

  5. Hi dear~~
    Truly understand ur situation bt again like wat Vincent preach last night is to grow in our physical. God have bless u tat you can serve God in a young age and if we do not take care our temple of God it will nt glorify God’s name. Dear, I believe u can work out some great plan to maintain ur health and take Ngai ye2 n others advise serious.

    Love you always..

  6. morning dear dear,

    i spent some time with Lai Wan yesterday night & both of us start counting our blessings. truly, i am so blessed that i could have a relationship with God in a young age.

    i should have shined for God again & again, because i believe, young people are the most possible to be energetic, vibrant & shiny.

    Vincent’s lesson cuts my heart, each of his points are so sharp & true to the heart. am thankful ’cause he brought the points with great humour, which made the situation not as awkward. there’s some slots of silent moments in church when he conveyed the lesson, certainly, those sentences brought a difference in every believers’ heart.

    also remembered Wee Keong’s point on “ridiculous joy”, which i want to strongly work on it. of all the joy & blessings, my encouragement comes from God alone.

    should we quickly grab some time together? i want to keep you updated upon some happenings & talk more on new year resolutions.

    love you too.

  7. Ya, please don’t call me ye2 all the time. otherwise, people think that’s my real name. Hehe … Actually, do feel uncomfortable. feel weird at times. but if just once a while just for fun, i guess it’s ok.

    You can call me … Ah Boy. Just kidding. haha. I guess just Steve will do.

    Share to you more computer tips.

  8. dunno wat to say…a song perhaps?

    Song From A Child

    I can hear my voice is singing,
    Of the things you’ve done for me,
    All the triumphs you bring,
    Your glories I can see

    You’re my strength,
    my sweet melody,
    You made all that I can be
    You’re my savior and my words will speak of you
    You are my protector
    Holy is your name
    All the hurts and wrongs I’ve ever
    caused… you bear for me
    Your lasting love and grace
    Covered them for me
    Your mercy gives me hope
    When nothing seems it should be
    In the greatness of your majesty
    Love is all I see
    Your love keeps me going on and on

    When the night is still and lonely
    And my body frails away
    You give warmth and love
    You’re never far away
    I know not of things that will be
    But I know deep down in me
    Your words will light my way
    You’re always in control

    There’s no other like you
    Glorious as you
    Awesome, splendid,
    Amazing wonders
    There’s only one you

    You raised up your hand to
    Lift me up on high
    Your love is unfailing
    Saving me from the night
    There is nothing too hard for me
    As your love will always be
    You’ll guide me in your holiness to you
    Guide me in your holiness to you

    Lyrics adapted from Exodus 15, “A Song Of Deliverance”
    Melody adopted from Snow Wolf Lake, Jacky Cheung, 2005

  9. sure np dear..
    i am quite pack tis week
    how ab sat morning?
    or sun after service …=)
    arrange more ya
    love..

  10. Ah Boy >> hehehe actually.. Steve sounds good to me. meaning i can’t manja liao~ (singing i surrender all)

    dragon >> haven’t get the time to link the lyrics to the tune, but the words itself are impacting. God is fascinating.

    Seh Yen >> i would love to take the Sunday slot. :)


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