Posted by: bellebelle | December 31, 2007


oh no, not again.

i have so much of these nights, i’ve lost count for the month itself. this is the worst i could get out of the night, it certainly frustrates me. but seriously, i can do nothing about it. it felt like jet lag more than insomnia, it’s so so so, super hard to cope.

these lack of sleep drains my energy and emotions. i eat less when i sleep less. i smiled less, i am becoming less optimistic than usual, poor concentration and what more… i doze at times that i shouldn’t be sleeping. i felt like my head swims all the time, i am so afraid i’ll eventually tak boleh tahan.

initially, i wanted a chat. but to those who are all right to talk, they are all Away. having classes, i s’posed. i miss those from afar. people like Loong Jie, which is like 742168412165467213 miles away… he gives you the best words to cheer you up, he speaks his concerns and the least i like about him… is that, he records your singing through his internet mic. i also miss those whom i have just seen but not touched.

i woke up around 3a.m. hoping it’s already 6… i think i rolled on the bed for almost half an hour, refusing to look into the new clock i got for Christmas. i bounced from bed, and now i had my 2nd drink. i wanted a beer from the fridge. i wanted some chocolates. i even wanted sleeping pills. but seriously, i know i should be taking care of myself in a better manner. i refrained, and had only plain water.

i didn’t know what songs to listen, it just doesn’t feel right. i didn’t cared, so i looped my winamp playlist, let it play on its own. after awhile, i played songs that i’d love you to sing for me, instead of songs that would make me cry a river.

by right, i should be sleeping soundly. i shouldn’t be awake, online, and typing.

i like my hair brushing the shoulders. i didn’t comb them until i find myself feeling irritated by the heat it brings. i stood in front of the mirror, i had my hair tied, loosen, and tied, and discover… i look good without having it tied. yeah, i know, i have nothing better to do.

i typed like, totally random.

new year’s day. approaching in 20 hours. if you ever felt like it’s gonna be a brand new beginning, you’re both right, and also wrong. you’re right when you know you can throw away all the nasty things and start anew. but you’re wrong, if you focus only on the things to throw away, but not finding a solution to first… cure the root problem.

if you don’t focus on the roots, it makes no difference, even if you change environment… or thought or deceives that you have a new start. but there’s one cool fact, you still have hopes.

me too, i have hope. i am going to try sleeping. goodnight.

still, i love you for who you are :’)



  1. Sorry to hear that. Yah, it is pretty frustrating when we sleep less. Mood can be affected. A quick google on “Insomia natural cure” found this –

    Ya, in the past, this method also works before. Pray. Pray to God to grant you sleep.

    If still can’t, try to get this,

    Hope it helps.

  2. Wow…. got fan wo you. =)

  3. steve >> hehe.. yeah, prayer is certainly helpful.

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